just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
