There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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