our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
