I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
