We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
