It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
