Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
