No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
