tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
