i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
one two three fourrrrnication!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
