Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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