I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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