the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
