So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you win again, gameday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
