so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
