I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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