No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why do cheetos always look like penises
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
