On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
