he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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