You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
