The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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