T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
