just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
