id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
