I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
