You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
