I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
