omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
