I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
