he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
