you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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