so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
