Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
