Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
