I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
