Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
