you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
