"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
