i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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