She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
