i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
