I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
