Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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