My hair reeks of homosexuality.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
