You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
