Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
