you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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