I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
