I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
