my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
