12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
